I am adopted.
Adoption isn't a topic that naturally comes up in conversation, but I haven't made a secret of it either in my life. It's part of my identity. It feels natural, like it's part of my very DNA. I have no idea what it's like to be born and raised by my biological parents.
Kids are curious beings, and when anyone, acquaintances or random waiters at Chili's (yes, really) found out I was adopted they felt that it was okay to ask whatever was on their minds. Just like you shouldn't ask a married couple if they want to have kids because you don't know if they're struggling to conceive, there are some things that can feel like invasions of privacy to an adopted child.
Below I've compiled a list of 3 questions that (IMHO) you shouldn't ask an adopted person unless you know them really, really well.
1. Do you know your REAL parents?
My response was always, "Yes, my Mom and Dad." Inevitably, it would always be followed by, "No, I mean your REAL parents." Kids are trying to figure out who they are, and their identity is tied to their family. The only thing I cared about is that the parents who raised me are my family. Don't assume that someone has an open adoption and knows who there biological parents are.
2. Will you ever look up your birth parents?
This is a deeply personal issue. Some adopted children will be open about wanting to find their biological parents. For me, it was never super important when I was a kid. I lived in a happy, love filled home, and had no desire to learn anything else. This can, and will most likely, change with time. But as a kid, every time I was asked this question and said, "No," I felt like something was wrong with me, that I should feel differently.
3. Where were you adopted from?/Are you Asian?
AKA - 'Are you Chinese?' I can't count the number of times I have been asked this question, including one memorable time by a waiter at a Chili's in rural Kentucky. He knew one of the friends I was with, but still felt like it was okay to ask someone he had just met about their ethnic background.
I get it. My skin is pale, but I have dark brown hair, brown eyes and slight curve to my upper eyelids. I may look ambiguously ethnic, but that doesn't mean it's appropriate to ask about my background, or that I'm comfortable at all with that question.
I try to respect the privacy of friends that have adopted from foreign countries. I can tell just by looking that their beautiful children are probably from outside of the U.S., but it should be their decision to share their story. Their adoption story may have been filled with rough spots, and it's up to them if they want to be reminded of that journey.
I am proud to be adopted. I am blessed to have grown up in a family full of love. But now, as an adult who is trying to figure out my place in this world, I wish that I had been treated differently by people who barely knew me growing up. I was more than happy to share my personal story with those close to me. It was those who barely knew me that always threw me off.
