3 Questions I Wish People Didn't Ask About Adoption

I am adopted.

Adoption isn't a topic that naturally comes up in conversation, but I haven't made a secret of it either in my life. It's part of my identity. It feels natural, like it's part of my very DNA. I have no idea what it's like to be born and raised by my biological parents.

Kids are curious beings, and when anyone, acquaintances or random waiters at Chili's (yes, really) found out I was adopted they felt that it was okay to ask whatever was on their minds. Just like you shouldn't ask a married couple if they want to have kids because you don't know if they're struggling to conceive, there are some things that can feel like invasions of privacy to an adopted child.

Below I've compiled a list of 3 questions that (IMHO) you shouldn't ask an adopted person unless you know them really, really well.

1. Do you know your REAL parents?

My response was always, "Yes, my Mom and Dad." Inevitably, it would always be followed by, "No, I mean your REAL parents." Kids are trying to figure out who they are, and their identity is tied to their family. The only thing I cared about is that the parents who raised me are my family. Don't assume that someone has an open adoption and knows who there biological parents are.

2. Will you ever look up your birth parents?

This is a deeply personal issue. Some adopted children will be open about wanting to find their biological parents. For me, it was never super important when I was a kid. I lived in a happy, love filled home, and had no desire to learn anything else. This can, and will most likely, change with time. But as a kid, every time I was asked this question and said, "No," I felt like something was wrong with me, that I should feel differently.

3. Where were you adopted from?/Are you Asian?

AKA - 'Are you Chinese?' I can't count the number of times I have been asked this question, including one memorable time by a waiter at a Chili's in rural Kentucky. He knew one of the friends I was with, but still felt like it was okay to ask someone he had just met about their ethnic background.

I get it. My skin is pale, but I have dark brown hair, brown eyes and slight curve to my upper eyelids. I may look ambiguously ethnic, but that doesn't mean it's appropriate to ask about my background, or that I'm comfortable at all with that question.

I try to respect the privacy of friends that have adopted from foreign countries. I can tell just by looking that their beautiful children are probably from outside of the U.S., but it should be their decision to share their story. Their adoption story may have been filled with rough spots, and it's up to them if they want to be reminded of that journey.

I am proud to be adopted. I am blessed to have grown up in a family full of love. But now, as an adult who is trying to figure out my place in this world, I wish that I had been treated differently by people who barely knew me growing up. I was more than happy to share my personal story with those close to me. It was those who barely knew me that always threw me off.

Thought for Sunday June 28th

When I'm on a budget, it's easier for me to splurge on other people than to spend money on myself.

Today was my Dad's birthday, and I can say I went outside of my budget getting his presents. (On top of his big gift, I spent about $14 running around to various seedy gas stations and buying the pink coconut Sno Ball desserts he likes). Hahah. And yet I will spend *weeks* debating the best time to order that used book off of Amazon that I really want. And you know what? I'm happy about that. The money I make isn't mine...it's been given to me from God. And I love using the little bit I have to put a smile on somebody else's face. There are times when I regret how selfish and self-serving I can be, so when I find these times when I realize I am capable of reaching outside of myself, I thank God for giving me wisdom.

A Thought for Every Day

Do you ever have those moments when you realize something kind of profound about life, and really want to share them with someone? Have you ever stumbled upon something cool that you think someone else could get a kick out of? Or, do you stumble upon random facts but there's no one around that would understand where you're coming from? After too many of those revelations, I decided to share them here, and create a blog based around 'A Thought for Every Day'. It's like twitter, only with substance.

This is NOT an orginal day. My friend Rebekah is chronicling her summer by taking a picture that represents each day. So, I'm just reimagining her idea.

Okay...so first thought of the day:

One of my biggest passions in life is to see my friends dreams come true.

I love seeing people I know succeed. I love sharing their excitement about getting an interview, choosing a major, getting picked for the leadership position they've prayed over, or being hired for that first job. To see prayer's be answered is a beautiful thing. Celebrating something rewarding is a GREAT feeling.

Post-College Faith

The other day as I walked out the door past my Bible, I thought to myself ,"Why is it so hard for my faith to grow now that I'm out of school? It was so easy at ______ (insert any Christian college name here." Then, I realized I struggled to ready my Bible then as much as I do now. My faith grew stronger in college because of mandatory chapel three times a week. It had nothing to do with my own personal choices.

Reading the Word has always been something I'll do 'whenever' I get through the busy stages of life. I'll read after this project is over. I'll have more time in the summer. After I get my job and move away. But after you get that first job, there's no more guaranteed next step. Nothing coming around the bend that I have to prepare for before I move on. In all reality I'm in a place where I will stay for a few years. So I had no more excuses.

Last week I started reading a chapter of the Bible before I went to bed. And I know it's cliched, but it's made a difference. I'm reading through Revelation right now, and there are definitely some things to ponder in that chapter. I can already tell reading the Word has effected my everyday life. I think about scripture more during the day, and I definitely pray more when conflict comes up in life.

So here I am, probably trying to grow for the first time in my life. And I feel stronger.

Why do a blog?

My sophomore year of college, I learned that 70% of the bloggers in the world are women. I was really suprised at first...but then it kind of made sense. Women are the ones who like to constantly search or find themselves, or re-invent themselves to find some kind of peace. Well, guys could very well do this too, but I've had more experience with females and the ups and downs of lives.

So why blog? Why, when their are so many other people already doing this? Well, whenever I hear a new song that I just connect with, or read a good book, or have an amazing God moment, I just want to tell as many people as possible. I have amazing friends that will listen to my crazy ideas, but there's something about having it written down...the soul just feels better.

So here I am. I've done this all before, but Im hoping that since I'm not trying to tell a specific story, or take people through a certain period in my life, that this will work. There's no weekly email updates about life, or any big events happening in my future. Im just a college grad on her first real job, thinking that life is pretty permanent for the moment...just wondering about life.

.....I just saw "He's Just Not That Into You". There was a lot of truth to it. There are women who desperately trying to find a man in their lives..and you swear that you know those women...but how often is that actually me? We say and think that we're better than someone, but the only reason that we can define their actions is because we've done it all before ourselves.

So...good movie. Full of the romance that makes the women feel good. But one of those that makes you long for something that you're not supposed to have just yet. Weigh your options before seeing it, friends.

Random things that may make it into a post later:
1. Natasha Bedingfield is a brilliant lyricist and too many people write her off.
....yep. that last thing Will definitely be a blog.

Love.